Flummoxing. 6 weeks after coming home with Sally. Selamawit. She is precious, happy and a good eater. The sleeping has me off kilter though. Yes, it is a gap year. A new baby born or adopted, a major move. It’s a gap year. My friends and I have clearly decided it takes a full year. Not 3 months. Not 6 months. But a full year to find that “new normal” and get back in a stride. But oh how difficult this gap year can be.

I am supposed to relax. To just focus on getting our new little girl acclimated and adjusted to a new life. No. That’s not right. There is every other element of life that must carry on too. I am thankful that its summer and I’m not worrying much about any sort of school. A little here and there on my mind. Emma has to learn some latin words to prepare for her new class this fall. Meg needs to learn her times tables. The boys. Just read. Heavy sigh.

So the sleeping. I am falling asleep about 12:30-1am. And waking up between 8-9am. With a little dark brown baby beside me. And that is pure joy. But then the day moves on. Matt has been up and working since 5 or 6 am. He has taken the big 4 kids on a walk/run in the neighborhood. Thank you Lord they are getting exercise.

By the time Sally and I are downstairs, much of the day has happened it seems. By the time I have a cup of tea, take my supplements and eat a bowl of cereal it is after 10am. Now what? Well, we could swim. We do have a pool and it is summer. Ok, get your bathing suits on. The next day. Now what? Uhh. I have a ton of stuff on my desk I must get to. Phone calls. Appointments. The bills. You guys just play the Wii. Or watch TV. Ugh. Nooooo. I want to throw the TVs out. They are satanic. A few good things. But the bad outweighs the good.

But for now. Watch tv. Guilt tries to climb up on my back. Brush it off. Pray. God please fill in these gaps that I cannot.

And then….and then…what about God? Oh my gosh. What about God? What about the time I NEED to spend with Him every morning? What about the time I need to talk about him EVERY DAY with my children? Where is it God? Help me find it please! Force me to do nothing else but that Father!!!

Every day I think – what should I do? How should I get back on track with this? And then the dailyness of the day ensues. People are hungry. People need clean clothes to wear. What are we going to eat for dinner tonight? Much less how are we helping these little people develop character, learn and know their Maker.

A shift, Oh Lord. A drive with the man you gave me. Escape for the moment from this Truman Show. A new visual. A change. A drive home. A speech from my in-house encourager. It’s time. Time to get back on track dear one. Oh no. Really? But my relief is late at night. When no one is awake. I can read in the dark and try to find my way.

Order. Praying for something simple now. 6am. That’s all.

I’m up. All is quiet. I read Your Word. 45 minutes of straight You Lord. So sublime. So powerful. Finding order in my days Lord. The quest now. And again.

YOU ordered the universe. Order is a part of You. If I order my days correctly with You at the very beginning – then I’m thinking you will help the rest fall into place. Yes. A simple concept. A basic spiritual law of the Universe.

Order in space. Order in snowflakes. Order in the law of sow and reap.

Chaos is the antithesis. Chaos is devilish. Chaos evokes evil. Anger. Murder and death. Anger toward my children because I haven’t gotten up early to be with You first. I haven’t ordered my day and a simple spiritual law has been defied. Ignored.

All the way to chaos in governments. Anger, pride, ego. That lead to war and death because, dear Lord, they have not sought you first. I pray for this country Lord – that at our next national elections – You/we would put into office men and women that understand how to order their days. To seek you first each day. To know that world order will not be accomplished without You at the helm. Amen in your Son’s name.

Thank you Lord for these days.

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A few days ago, I was standing outside in the driveway.  It was a very pretty day.  The beginning of spring.  I was just looking around at the sky and the trees and as I stood there I had this sort of strange thought or vision.   I’m not sure what it was, but it felt like….like a glimpse into heaven.  It sort of seemed that time had just stopped for a moment.

I saw myself in heaven, after I had lived a long life, looking back down over my life and the chance I was given “at life.” And I was asking myself the question “Why was I such a chicken?”  ”Why didn’t I just say and do exactly what I had worked so many years to think and believe, and not worry if this person or that person MIGHT be offended.  I had my chance.  My chance of 100 years, more or less, to really make a difference in the world.  And I succumbed to the thorn in my side that others provided.  To the opinions others had of who I was, how I lived my life, the choices I made, the words I chose to use and the tone I might have had.

And evil, that force that does not want me to bring light or help or an idea to the souls of this earth that crave it, was satisfied.  Evil thought he had done a good job.  Those thoughts that he’d planted into the heads of the people who came upon my path and got me off the course God had set for me, had done their job nicely.  Thank you very much.  Not to mention the thoughts evil had dropped into my own mind and I had allowed to take hold.

And so…….I was distracted by the earthly.  By the dailyness of silly, unimportant minutia.   Words and actions of others that weren’t part of God’s plan for me.  Better said:  I allowed myself to be distracted by the things of this world.  I allowed a diversion from my course, my destiny, my adventure, my purpose, the reason God sent me here with these particular gifts and abilities.  I allowed evil to penetrate my world, when all along, at any moment, I had always had the power to send it away.  To correct my course.  To steer straight again.  Just like Dorothy could have gone home at any time with the whisper of a few words.  Jesus.

Whooooossshhhhh!  Back down to earth.

The wonderful thing about getting older is we start to care less and less about what other’s think of us.  Haven’t you spoken to amazing older men or women (the kind you want to be like) that were set in their ways and beliefs and didn’t give a whit about what anyone thought?

And just when I was looking for something good about aging as I saw another wrinkle in the mirror the other day, God provided me with this little experience.

You are, indeed, an awesome God.

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After being heavy into the Dave Ramsey get-out-of-debt plan for the last year along with many people I know, it occurred to me that there are still people out there, many I’m sure, that don’t quite realize why it is critical to get out of debt.  This is for them.

Click here for a post on Dave Ramsey’s 6 Steps.

Click here for a post on the details of how we do our finances.

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Oh my, why am I putting up a picture of us that is over 6 years old and we are skinnier and cuter.     Oh well, I guess it is just to show you when it was that I really started getting some of this stuff.  That’s a fat little Henry with us at a fancy restaurant.

It is December 26th.   A wonderfully lazy day around this house.  A nice time to just think a little.  And my thoughts have led me to this, ladies.  Yes, they probably go for guys too, but I will let the guys teach the guys.  This is all about what YOU (I) can do.

Here is my unofficial list of 7 things that create a happy marriage.  Of course, there are probably a lot more and of course, different strokes for different folks, but…..at the same time, I think these 7 can apply to most.  I may think of some more later.  But these have been swimming around in my brain lately.

They stand out.

One more thing.  Sometimes marriage can seem so complicated.  I believe the truth is, it is very simple.  We can over-think, over-analyze and make the whole thing a quagmire.  If you tend to do that, STOP.  Just stop.  Ok, enough already.

7  STEPS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE

1.  Be kind.  Everyone is fighting a battle, including your husband.

Every time I meet a couple that has been married 30, 40, 50 years, I always ask them what the secret is.  And almost every time the response has been:

Be kind.  Be polite to your spouse.

Those older folks say this because, whoever they are, after all those years of life together, they have figured out that the “stuff,” whatever it is, is irrelevant and it all comes down to just a little kindness.  You know what I mean.  In an instant, we can choose to be nice to the person that calls on the phone 2 seconds after we have reamed someone in our house up one side and down the other.  We made a choice in that moment to be kind.  So we know we are capable of it.  But are we motivated to do it?

Zip Your Lips!

The bottom line is “If you don’t have anything nice to say, ZIP YOUR LIPS!”  And I mean it.  And yes, I need to hear all of this too!!   Just because you have an opinion about something, DOES NOT MEAN IT NEEDS TO BE EXPRESSED VERBALLY.  Ok, now we can go on. :)

2.  Get your finances in order and be in agreement about it.

Get Radical

Disagreement in this area is the #1 reason for divorce.  Guess what?  That means we have to change whatever was hardwired into us from childhood and be willing to think and act differently.  We have to die to our own ideas.  Remember, those ideas are what have gotten us into trouble.

Stop the debt.  Stop living beyond your means.  Go to cash (no checks or debit cards) if living within your means is difficult for you.  That means you cannot spend more money in any month than you are bringing in.  Get radical.  Be different.  Stop having a consumer mindset.  Stop buying stuff.

How?

We spend the first half of our lives acquiring things and the last half getting rid of them.  So we might as well stop the massive acquiring part as soon as possible.  Here is a link to a post I did about Dave Ramsey.  He will totally motivate you.  Here is a post I did about EXACTLY how we handle our finances.  (After we took the Dave Ramsey class)

Own little

And here is a post I’ve read several times lately about simplifying, owning little, etc.  This guy talks about the “100 thing challenge.”  Personally owning only 100 things.  This does not include joint items or family items.  Here is another good post on the same thing.  I’ve started making a list of the things I personally own to see where I stand.  I may get back to you later on this whole idea, but I’m not promising anything :)

3. Make your spouse your first ministry.

Say what?

I know that might sound a little weird.  It did to me when my friend first mentioned it to me.  But after simmering on the idea for a good 5-6 years I definitely think this is the mindset we women must have if we want to be truly happy.  It IS the nature God gave us.  Feminist or not.  We ladies brought up during and after the feminist revolution of the 60′s and 70′s have some very difficult hardwiring to undo.  It doesn’t mean we can’t have gifts and use them to the fullest capacity, but we had better slow down and stop steamrolling the men in our lives, and we had better prioritize the elements of our lives correctly.

Who is the first man in your life?

Is a boss at work the lead man in your life?  Do you do more for him that you do for your husband?  Is a ministry at your church taking priority over how you are helping or loving on your husband?  Or are your kids the center of your life?  Do they take precedence over your husband?  If so, I can pretty much promise you this will not lead to anything good.

Be willing to change

There are a ton of books out there on this subject.  I will give you the one that has helped me the most.  Yes, I’ve mentioned it before.  And yes, you will likely want to throw it across the room a few times.   I’m stepping out here and bordering on pleading with you.   If you could just, for a moment, be willing to think outside your own self-made box; to think that maybe, just maybe there could be wisdom in these radical ideas……All I can say is you may never know ultimate joy until you lay down your own life and decide to be a servant in whatever way God has gifted you.  The book is called “Created To Be His Helpmeet.”

4.  Let Your Husband Take The Lead

One Captain. One CEO.

That last one leads nicely into this one.  If you are still living and loving the feminist life, this might be a hard pill to swallow.  But hear me out, please.  I was once very strongly in those shoes.  You and your husband are equal partners.  Definitely.  No doubt about it.  He is not better.  You are not better.  He is gifted, as you are, in certain areas.

The smart couple will draw on each others gifts to create a marriage and a family that has something to offer the world.  Whether it is awesome children that you raise together, products in the business world, or a tour guide company in Madagascar. BUT, and this is a big BUT:  Your family is a corporation with one CEO trying to lead the team to success.  Your family is a ship with one Captain trying to steer.  If his crew isn’t “with him”  he (and you all) will run aground and have all kinds of difficulty fixing the boat and being able to set out to sea again, or worse, you may all capsize and die.

Do Not Fail

If you, as the woman, fail to stop trying to lead, if you fail at bringing up difficult subjects of discussion with your husband when you know deep down the timing is right (this is an art to perfect), then you will fail altogether.  Women:  almost all of us have to relearn the art of being a wife.

Don’t be the bad guy

You may be thinking, “My husband is a jerk, he cannot lead, he is ruining our family.”  I ask you what are you doing to help him lead.  Are you criticizing him or building him up.  Are you focusing on his gifts and abilities or his faults.

I’ve talked to many women about this next part and it is not pleasant, but it it true.  When children watch a father trying to lead while his wife is battling him every step of the way, criticizing, scoffing, rolling her eyes, walking off in a huff, whispering under her breath, ignoring, etc:  The children will wish the mom would hush up and leave the dad alone.  EVEN IF HE IS DOING A BAD JOB.  They don’t know the difference.  They just know he is their dad and they love him and they simply wish you would close your mouth, leave him alone and love him too.  That’s enough to make me stop right there!

5. ” Take Up Your Cross And Follow Me.” -Luke 9:23

We all have issues

We all have areas of difficulty.  We always will.  Maybe something will be with us for a lifetime.  Maybe just a season.  The question is how do we deal with it from God’s perspective?  How does He see us?  Maybe our cross is a bad habit you just cannot seem to kick, maybe it’s a disease, maybe it is the death of a loved one, maybe it is a difficult spouse that is hard to love, maybe it is abuse from our own childhood and it’s effects, maybe it is addictions and the list goes on…..No one is exempt.

Pick that cross up.  Hand it over to Jesus daily. Start new each morning.   And follow Him.  This is the most promising avenue if you have any hope of overcoming that cross.  Remember what He said: Take heart, I have overcome the world.

6.  Have God-Time

Stress and worry

When I am stressed and worried; When my mind is racing about this issue and that issue; When things have been difficult in earthly areas such as marriage, parenting, etc.  I can ALWAYS, without fail tell you that in the immediate past, oh maybe several weeks or months, I have let my regular God-Time slip away.  I have not set that daily time aside for it.

For me, if I don’t do it immediately upon waking while I drink my coffee, it will never happen that day, because the day is off and running all the way ’til bedtime that night.  But when I do sit and read the Bible, any part of it, the peace it imparts to my soul surpasses all understanding.  All the issues of the day don’t really matter anymore.  I can handle anything that comes my way.  It’s that simple.  And that essential.

7. Persevere.  ”Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:9

Check out this statistic from a new study on divorce and marriage.  What is says to me is awesome and needs to be heard by many.  Here is the link to the full story.

Does Divorce Make People Happy?
Findings from a Study of Unhappy Marriages

Call it the “divorce assumption.” Most people assume that a person stuck in a bad marriage has two choices: stay married and miserable or get a divorce and become happier.  But now come the findings from the first scholarly study ever to test that assumption, and these findings challenge conventional wisdom. Conducted by a team of leading family scholars headed by University of Chicago sociologist Linda Waite, the study found no evidence that unhappily married adults who divorced were typically any happier than unhappily married people who stayed married.

Even more dramatically, the researchers also found that two-thirds of unhappily married spouses who stayed married reported that their marriages were happy five years later. In addition, the most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds: among those who rated their marriages as very unhappy, almost eight out of 10 who avoided divorce were happily married five years later.

I will attest to being one person in that statistic.

And I will tell you that I had a terrier-like hold on the fact that I WILL NOT get divorced.  I have children.  I was married once before already (no children) for 2 years way back in another life (it seems) and this time it will stick.  I will do whatever I have to do to make this work and not only that, make it awesome, because I refuse to have a miserable, unhappy life, in this ONE life God has given me.  And mostly, what that has meant, is to lay down my pride, to lay down my opinions, to lay down the stuff that has been hardwired into me, and chill out!

Please, persevere.  Our society depends on it.

The family is on the edge of extinction.

Godspeed!

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Every day it seems like, more and more, I become my parents.  Isn’t it funny how that happens?  Sometimes it can be disturbing.  But…sometimes…I really love it.  This is one of those times.

Growing up… oh I’d say I can remember this from about the age of 10 or 12 and until he died 4 years ago… my father would exhort in some form or another “This is God’s country!” or “Oklahoma is God’s country!” or “When you movin’ back to God’s country?”

As a child, I didn’t think much about those comments,

but as I approached 17, 18 and up through the decade of my 20′s, I would roll my eyes, either overtly or in my mind, and think “You have got to be kidding!”  This is one of the dullest, ugliest places I have ever seen.  I mean, how about the Rocky Mountains

Piney Lake in Vail, CO

or the Pacific Ocean

Matt with Henry on his back 6 years ago on the Oregon coast

or even a desert or a canyon or SOMETHING for crying out loud.”  I vividly remember thinking when I was a senior in high school “I’m getting out of this place and I’m never coming back.”  Oh my, that statement makes me shudder.

Well.  As you can see.  My plan did not work out.  And, by the way, I learned a long time ago.  Never say “Never.”

My husband and I met and moved back here in 1995

By that time I was in my mid-thirties and had been living in Los Angeles for 8 years.  Prior to that, I lived in San Antonio, TX  for 8 years.  Four years of University and four years in the work force.  So after 16 years in 2 big cities and through a series of interesting events (I need to tell you that story later) we decided to start our life together in Enid, America Oklahoma.  The town we both had grown up in.  Matt would be moving back here from working at the Department of Energy in Washington DC.

I couldn’t believe it.  But here I was.

Moving back to the place I said I would never return to.   But I knew…..we both knew, it was the right thing to do.  Somehow, it was a God-thing.

For the first 5 years we lived here, I was in culture shock

I missed the restaurants, the grocery stores, the geography and the excitement.  Los Angeles was alive and this place felt, well, dead to put it bluntly.  But, at the same time, I was sick of the big city and how EVERYTHING you did was a hassle.  It was a hassle to get gas in your car.  It was a hassle to go to the grocery store.  There was always traffic, and back then people didn’t have cell phones to while away the time of a commute.

Fast Forward to living in Enid

I remember one day Matthew and I were driving out in the Oklahoma countryside and he said “Look at those hills.  They are really beautiful.”  Say what?  What hills?  There isn’t a hill around here as far as the eye can see.  What the heck are you talking about?”  He then pointed to a very slight rise in elevation of the land way out to the west.  “Ok.  I guess I can see that.  But honey.  Are you telling me that you really think that is a hill?  And, might I add, there ain’t one thing beautiful about it.”

Well.  I’m definitely eating my words now.

Fast Forward again to about a month ago.

We just returned home from a week of vacation in the midst of the Rocky Mountains.

It’s beautiful.  No doubt about it.  Magnificent.

And we spent most of our time fishing and hiking

That’s Emma-babaloo (as her daddy calls her)

and I am grateful for the opportunity.

That’s me.

It was wonderful to be in the midst of that beauty.

But….there was something about it….something else….it’s been hard for me to articulate…you may not understand me at all on this, and I would understand that.

About 2 days before the end of our vacation,

I had the first stirrings of wanting to come home.  Huh?  I haven’t been here in 3-4 years.  Haven’t had a real vacation of any length in that amount of time.  Chill girl.  You have forgotten how to experience a new place; how to have a good time.  But no…. I don’t think that was it.

I was having a hard time connecting with God

Oh, He is always there – just waiting for us to call on Him, but  my impetus to connect with him was lacking for some reason.  Hmmm.  What’s up with that?  I mean, here we sit among gorgeous mountains, lakes, scenery.

But we were also hanging out in a lush, money-driven, high-falutin’ ski resort built for luxury.

Usually, if you go here, you WILL spend a lot of money.

We had an old family place to stay in and in the summer, fishing and hiking don’t cost a penny I’m happy to say.

But all around us, this lifestyle of luxuriating in wealth and riches and beautiful clothes, cars, restaurants, and jewelry was palpable and invading my senses, and after 4-5 days started to become nauseating.

By the end of the trip, I couldn’t wait to get home

I couldn’t wait to see my wide, open spaces and feel God again.  Of course, God was there, but something about this place distanced me from Him.  It reminded me of something I heard Garrison Keillor say on a radio show soon after we moved back to Oklahoma.  “People in the central part of the country don’t have time for self-help, finding themselves, etc. etc.  They are too busy swatting mosquitoes.”

Finding God Through The Stuff

After moving to Oklahoma from Los Angeles , a self-help, self-involved haven, I totally understood that comment.  For me, when there is everything a person might ever need within easy grasp, finding a need for God can become obscured by the stuff.

I’m not saying we won’t go back to Colorado.  Maybe there is more to this than I have explored.  We are blessed to have a nice place there that we can stay in for very little cost, and for a beautiful change of scenery, but…..I don’t know….time will tell.

Just one more look around?

About 1/3 of the way home, we stopped in Colorado Springs for some touring around, but I was still chomping at the bit to hit the road.   To leave this place too.  We had to spend the night somewhere.  Matthew asked if I wanted to stay overnight there or drive on a few more hours to some small town in the middle of nowhere.  PLEASE.  TAKE ME TO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!

As we got into the flat ground of Kansas and then Oklahoma,

it was getting close to dusk.  We passed by farm after farm and the sky was more beautiful than I’d ever seen it.  Blues, grays, pinks, purples, oranges, reds, lots of clouds.   It was perfection.  I was close to jumping out of my skin I was so thankful to be home and so amazed at the beauty.  And believe it or not, I didn’t take a picture.  Huh?  You gotta be kidding!  Well, all I can say is that I was consumed with the experience.  I’m kicking myself now.  I suppose if I considered myself a professional photographer I would have.  Guess I better start thinking that way if I’m ever going to be able to explain things to anyone.

I did find this picture of our girls about 5 or 6 year ago.

Anyway, I can’t help but think God has something special planned for this state.  Oklahoma.  With the craziness of our world, a place like this is just what most people probably need.

This was taken about 10 years ago.  I’m on the left with my parents.

Yes, Daddy.  I think you were right all along.   This IS God’s Country.  Forgive me for being such a headstrong thing.  Your wisdom continues to pervade my consciousness and will be a lasting legacy.

Listen to your Mama’s and your Daddy’s!

They know so much.  Godspeed.

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The other day my children and I were standing in the front yard talking to one of my good friends.  My 8 year old said to her “Daddy is moving home next week.”  She thought “Oh my.  Has there been some trouble?  Did he move out and now he is moving back?”  I have laughed about that little scene all week.

Well, the answer is no.

It’s something entirely different.  After talking about this idea for almost 2 years (I looked back in my journal and noticed one of the dates on which we had been talking about it) Matthew, my husband, has decided he is going to move his law practice home.   Yes, home.  To our house.  He will office out of our living room, which is situated quite well for an office.  It almost seems like it was meant for that purpose.

Remember, we live in the house that I grew up in.

After my sweet daddy died back in 2005, my mother was ready to move to a smaller home and we thought it would be pretty neat to keep the house in the family.  So we bought it and have been here for about 4 years now.  The funny thing is, that living room was almost never used when we were growing up, except for a few holidays.

And the same has been true for us these 4 years.  It is just sort of “off” the flow of the house.   We have tried to make it a functional, useful room, but have simply never been successful.   But….it is as if it was waiting for this moment.  It is a perfect, very nice, office for him.  It is right near the front door and the front hallway.  Easy for people to enter.  Easy for him to see who is walking up the path.

A lot of people think we are crazy to do this.

They think “how in the world will he operate a law practice with 4 children running around?”  (For those that don’t know, we homeschool, so we are all here all day.)  Some  lawyer friends of his, though, know of those who have done it successfully.  One lawyer even told of a doctor he knew that had his office in his home.  We have watched our good friends with 8 children (in a different profession and also homeschooling) do this now for several years.  We have read about people doing it all over the country in various other businesses.  Most people did it several hundred years ago.  Why not here and why not now?  I haven’t gotten a satisfactory answer to that question yet.

The Age of Modernity

We have talked about and preached about (mostly my husband has), to anyone who is in earshot and interested, the idea that our modern culture (the last 150 years) has come close to destroying the family unit.  From about 150 years ago back to 1000′s of years ago, 90-95% of the families lived, worked and learned together; most of them on a farm.

With the very quick advance of the industrial and then informational ages the family became fragmented.  Dads left the farm to go to towns and factories.  Then children left the home education of their parents to go to schools.  With Dad gone to work, Mom could no longer do all of the work at home (the farm) by herself AND raise and educate the children.  Little by little, these things became the norm. The changes in society were small, incremental, in the background, silent.  Nobody noticed what was happening.

The 50′s and The 60′s

We arrived in the 1950′s and this new norm had been around long enough that nobody questioned it.  The generations that did not know this new norm had died out and were probably not listened to if they were still alive because our disrespect for the elderly had begun to take hold too.

Then the 60′s arrived.  Sex, drugs and rock and roll.  The feminist revolution.  Dissatisfied women.  Women who felt oppressed.  Women who, through several generations,  had forgotten their true calling, their true nature.  What would bring them their greatest joy.

Women wanted to be like men and their oppressed mothers pushed them into the thought that they should never be dependent on men.  And the men were probably scared of them.  Society started turning upside down.

The 70′s and Beyond

The 70′s turned into the 80′s with decadence and materialism at an all time high.  It seemed as the 90′s progressed, there was a slight hint of noticing that maybe this way wasn’t all that it was purported to be.  And then into the first decade of 2000.  I, personally, see the pendulum starting to swing back now.  I see women and men beginning to realize that they were, indeed, built in certain ways and that the joy of a man WILL NOT be the joy of a women.  Or vice versa.

Great Strides in Civilization

And so as a result of all this activity over the last 150 years, what do we have?  Well, we do have a very advanced civilization.  We have gone to the moon, we can save people’s lives with the art of medicine, we have built magnificent things.  But I have to ask the question, at what cost?

If we destroy the family, is it worth it?

We have boys in prison because their daddies weren’t there and their mama’s were too soft on them.  We have girls giving their bodies for sex because they are just looking for love.  They can’t find that love in their homes.  I could go on and on.  You know.  You’ve seen the stories every day of your life since you were old enough to read.

Is it possible to keep the family intact.  Is it possible to turn the over 50% divorce rate back to much less?  Is it possible to get back the values, the morals, and the priorities of several centuries ago, yet have our advanced civilization?

Mom And Dad

What about the idea of a mother and a father working out of their home together, raising their children together?  It seems to me with the internet, outsourcing and all the other technology we have today, that would not be a difficult task for lots and lots of people.

I’m going to say yes, there is a way to turn this nightmare around.  It will be a slow process that will require serious self reflection and prayer for each person to figure out the way God can get them there.  And this will probably take generations to accomplish on a large scale, but I have to believe it is possible.

Life-Changing

I think, hope, believe and pray that Daddy coming home will be life changing for our entire family.  We will be forced to work together.  The children will see what their Daddy does.  Daddy will be more intimately involved in the teaching and raising of our children.  This verse really talks about that idea for all of us; not just the mamas:

⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. – Deuteronomy 6:5-9

We will become more focused on what our calling, as a family, truly is.  I believe God has a calling for each family.  He wanted a family in the beginning and so He created us, and gave us each a very specific purpose.  A hope.  A desire.  A future.  He says it in one of my favorite verses:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

And just so you know those plans will be the desires of your heart, here is another one:

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4

It All Starts Now

Today is Matthew’s last day of work in his old office downtown.  Tomorrow he and his guy friends will be moving all of his stuff home.  And Monday will be the first day of our new life.  Wow!  It is scary and exciting at the same time.  You know, those two feelings produce the same physical sensations in our body, so I think I will just keep calling it exciting : )

There Will Be Tough Times

No doubt, our schedules will dramatically change.  There will be hard moments.  There will be times he will want to change the way I do things, and that will irritate the heck out of me.  I am expecting this. And my goal is to go with the flow.   To chill.

I know God has given him a vision and me a vision and that they are intertwined.  He has given him gifts and me gifts.  And if we can get it together, work together, bring our gifts together, and be kind and loving in the process – the sky is the limit.  The family vision/calling – the reason God put us together and brought these children through us, can be realized.  We can accomplish what God set out for us.

Anyone can!

Pray for me, please, that I am up to the task!  I’m walking in new territory now.  I’ll let you know how it goes : )

God Bless You!

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I’ve had it in my mind to tell you all this true story for as long as this website has been up and I apologize for taking so long, because I believe it is very important.  Let’s get right to it.

There is a woman named Dodie Osteen.

She is the mother of Joel Osteen who pastors Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas. Her late husband, John Osteen founded this church and the two of them pastored it for their 44 years of marriage, along with traveling and ministering in many nations of the world.

Today, She Is Healthy

She has 5 children and 19 grandchildren, but in 1981, Dodie Osteen was diagnosed with metastatic cancer of the liver.  She was told that with or without chemotherapy, she had weeks to live.  All her life she had been the picture of health.  In fact, she recounts that when someone would ask how she was, she would say “I am disgustingly healthy.”  She does not say that anymore.  Not because she is not healthy, but because she knows the power of our words and will never take her health for granted again.

With no hope…

from the medical community, her husband told the doctor that they believed in miracles and in the miracle worker (That would be Jesus) and they were going home to pray and seek God for what to do.

She is the first to say, “do not necessarily do what she did.”  You must seek God and do what brings peace to you.  Peace is the barometer for what you need to do in any situation.

After she went home…

she had many people pray for her.  Many famous pastors, known for ministries of healing prayed for her, but one night she felt she heard God speak to her heart, “Dodie, others’ faith will not heal you.  It is YOUR faith that you must go on now.”  She knew at that point, it was between she and Jesus.

So she began to live as if she were not sick.

She felt so awful, that she knew if she stayed in bed it would only get worse.  She forced herself to continue to operate as best she could.  Not taking naps.   Sleeping the normal number of hours at night.  And she prayed fervently.

A longer story short  -  she never died.

In fact, she got healthier.  Did she go back for tests to confirm her health?  No.  She knew she was healthy.  She didn’t want hospital tests messing with her faith.  Finally a few years later, she was impressed to see a doctor about another issue and they reported she was as healthy as a young woman.  Her doctors, well known in medicine, say she was healed supernaturally and that is the only explanation.

There are lots of key things she did and thought…

during her time of healing, which I encourage you to read in her $4 book, whether you are well or sick.  (Here is a link to purchase it from Amazon or you can usually find it in a Christian bookstore.)

One of those things, that I want to give you today, was 40 key verses in the Bible that she would look up everyday, read, and confess in the first person. (That means say the verse from the first person point of view – I will give you an example in a moment).

In addition,

here are a few segments from the book that will get you going in the right direction.  In the beginning she says this:

God said, My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6).  This is a sad thing, but it’s true.  Many people do not know that it is God’s will for them to be healed.  And this information is the difference between life and death!

In another Psalm, David said, How we thank you , Lord!  Your might miracles give proof that you care (Psalm 75:1 TLB).

God does care for His children.  The fact that He healed me shows me He cares, and that He wants to heal you too.

Hebrews 11:1 says, Now faith is the substance of things HOPED for (emphasis hers).  If you have cancer, a kidney disorder, or some other terminal disease that has brought pain and sickness in your body, I want you to know there is hope in Jesus.  He does not want you to die an early death.  He wants you to live and declare the works of the Lord (see Psalm 118:17).

Later she says this:

God Did Not Give Me Cancer

Did God send this sickness on me?

No, of course not.  Both my heart and my mind knew it was not God’s will for me or any of His children to be sick.  If I had any doubt in my mind about it being God’s will for me to be well, I would never have gotten well.  That is why we need to fight the lies of the devil.  That is why we need to teach people God’s Word.  Get it clearly established in your mind and heart that it IS God’s will for you to be well.

God did not put cancer on me.  Jesus said it was “the thief,” Satan, who came to steal my health, kill me, and destroy me.  Jesus said, I am come that [you] might have life, and that [you] might have it more abundantly (John 10:10, KJV).  Notice, that verse says that you “might” have life.  You have a choice.  You do not have to have abundant life, but you CAN if you want to.  I wanted to, so I pled my case with God.

40 Healing Scriptures

And now here are the locations of the 40 verses and the general idea of each one.  This is not the verse itself.  She does give you the verse and a paragraph about each one in her book.  I have these listed and when I feel the need, (if I think I’m getting a cold, etc – and yes, sometimes I just forget to do it, but writing this to you is a great remembrance for me!) I force myself to actually look them up in the Bible, instead of reading them off of a page, and say them in first person.  That’s just me.

But she did that too and still does to this day.  She never leaves her house without looking them up and reading them even though she knows them by heart.  She says it does something for her.  So you will need to look them up or get her book if you want to know what the verse actually says.  Sorry.  I’m gonna make you work for this : )

1. Proverbs 4:20-23  The Word of God will save your life.

Here is an example:

The verse from the NIV version:

²⁰ My son, pay attention to what I say;
listen closely to my words.

²¹ Do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart;

²² for they are life to those who find them
and health to a man’s whole body.

²³ Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.

Now here is my version in the first person.  Write it how it best works for YOU.

Father, I pay attention to what you say.  I listen closely to your words.  I do not let them out of my sight.  I keep them within my heart, for they are life to me and health to my whole body.  I guard my heart, for I know it is the wellspring of life.

Ok, got it.  Now you do the rest.

2.  Joshua 21:45  God’s Word will not fail.
3.  Philippians 2:13 God’s will – healing – is working in you.
4. Romans 8:11  The Spirit of Life is making your body alive.
5.  2nd Corinthians 1:20 God is for you.
6.  Matthew 8:2, 3  It is God’s will for you to be healed.
7.  Exodus 15:26  Obey God’s work and be healed.
8.  Exodus 23:25  Serve the Lord and healing will be yours.
9.  Deuteronomy 7:15  God takes all sickness away from you.
10.  Malachi 3:10  Obey all God’s commandments and seek all His blessings.
11.  Psalm 103:1-5  One of God’s benefits is healing.
12.  Psalm 107:20 God’s word is healing.
13.  Psalm 118:17 God wants you to live.
14.  Deuteronomy 30:19  Choose to live.  Be a fighter.
15.  Psalm 91:16  You will live a long life.
16.  Isaiah  53:5  Jesus bore your sin and your sicknesses.
17.  Jeremiah 30:17  God will restore your health.
18.  Matthew 18:18  You can take authority over the sickness in your body.
19.  Matthew 18:19  Agree with someone for your healing.
20.  Mark 11:23,23  What you say will make a difference.
21.  Mark 11:24  Believe and you will receive.
22.  Isaiah 43:25-26  Plead your case to God.
23.  Mark 16: 17, 18  Have someone lay hands on you for healing.
24.  John 9:31  Worship God
25.  John 10:10  The devil wants to kill you.  God wants to heal you.
26.  Galatians 3:13, 14  You are redeemed from the curse.
27.  Hebrews 10:23  You will not waiver in your faith.
28.  Hebrews 10:35  You can have confidence in God and His Word.
29.  Joel 3:10  You can find strength in God and in His Word.
30.  Hebrews 13:8  Jesus Christ has never changed.  What He did in the Bible, He will do for you today.
31.  3 John 2 God’s highest wish is for you to be well.
32.  James 5:14, 15 Be anointed with oil by a Christian.
33.  1st Peter 2:24  Jesus has already paid the price for your healing.
34.  1st John 5:14, 15  Be confident in your prayers.
35.  1st John 3:21, 22  God answers the prayers of those who keep His commandments.
36.  2nd Timothy 1:7  Fear is not of God.  Rebuke it!
37.  2nd Corinthians 10:4, 5  Cast down those thoughts and imaginations that don’t line up with the Word of God.
38.  Ephesians 6:10-13  Be strong in the Lord’s power.  Put on His armor to fight for your healing.
39.  Revelation 12:11 Give testimony of your healing.
40.  Nahum 1:9  Your sickness will leave and not come back again.

Godspeed and remember, guard the words that come out of your mouth!

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I Never Liked History In School

It consisted of memorizing meaningless dates and reading boring textbooks.  “Who cared,” I thought.  Nor do I remember a history teacher that brought it to life.  (Thank goodness I married a college history major)

But for a week last fall and also, this summer, my two daughters, 11 & 8, and I were blessed to learn more about how our country was founded and what freedom and liberty really mean by listening to a great orator from Oklahoma University who visited our small city.  This second session was summer camp for us, and we were all on the “edge of our seats” listening to this speaker for 5 days in a row.

So here are just a few notes that stood out to me during the last day of the lecture series given by Professor J. Rufus Fears titled “A Legacy Of Freedom.”

The Civil War

During the Civil War, General Lee (head guy leading the South) chose to lead the South because he believed that the North was oppressing his freedom by wanting to abolish slavery;  the exact freedom that his forefathers fought for in the Revolutionary War just a few generations earlier.  It was the principal of freedom that he was fighting for, not so much the ability to keep slaves.  He said to the North, “Cicero of Rome and Aristotle of Greece, Moses and St. Paul all spoke about slavery being part of life.  None of them said it was wrong.  They just told you how to handle it.  Even the Bible did not say it was wrong.”

I did not realize the motivation of the South was more about freedom and less about slavery.

But Lee lost the war.

Abraham Lincoln Was A Religious Man

He knew slavery was morally wrong.  Yes, it was written into the Constitution, but only because breaking free from England was hard enough for the 13 states to agree on.  Getting the South to also agree on abolishing slavery would have been impossible. Lincoln argued that even though slavery was in the Constitution, it was still morally wrong based on one thing Jesus said:  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Even the Declaration of Independence said “All men are created equal.”  And our country was founded on Biblical principals as much as some people would like to tell you it was not.

So Lincoln Fought For The Morality Of It

His wife said he understood why the South was fighting for their freedoms in this country founded on liberty.  But this country was founded on God and morality too, and slavery was evil.   Morality and God would have to come before Freedom.  And truthfully, freedom is found within those two things.

More Men Died In The Civil War…

than any other war combined.  Finally, one day Lincoln’s son died as a boy.  And now, he knew how all the parents of those fallen soldiers felt.  Lincoln believed that God had taken his son for a reason.  He was compelled to figure out why and he pondered that reason for the 10 months before he gave the very short

Gettysburg Address

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate…we can not consecrate…we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government: of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Lincoln Believed The North Must Continue…

to fight on to victory and to end this evil, or his son and all the other sons would have died in vain.  And so they did.

Finally, one night, he went to the Ford Theater.  He had previously told his wife he’d had dreams that he would be killed.  He was shot that night.  It was Good Friday.  His wife later said that Lincoln knew he would have to atone for the deaths of all those soldiers.  What a statesman he was.

And that was the question our lecturer, Dr. Rufus Fears kept asking the class.  Do we still have statesmen today?  Or do we have politicians?  An interesting question.

Godspeed Friends!

PS Just so ya know.  Sometimes I feel as if I’m getting my real education by homeschooling.  Just a little side benefit for those of us who did not pay attention way back when.

PSS The link above for Dr. Rufus Fears will take you to his bio on The Teaching Company website.  A great resource for lecture series’ from the best professors across our country on almost any subject you can imagine.  CD’s or DVD’s.  My husband loves listening to them in the car.

PSSS For all of you in Enid, America, Dr. Fears will be coming once a month to lecture here this fall.

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Before we talk about those 5 little words that have become my latest revelation, let me say this:  I haven’t published a post in quite a while.  It seems like all of a sudden life turned into a whirlwind.  Well, maybe I should say, more of a whirlwind than usual.   I haven’t been able to write about it.  I’ve only had time to live it.  Nothing monumental has really happened and so I was a little taken aback by it all.

These last 7 months…

have included much study about putting websites together, publishing posts, usually 3 times a week, photographing many things we do in our house and that on top of raising and schooling 4 children, running a big, old house and hopefully being a decent wife, daughter, sister and friend.  I’ve enjoyed this blog thing and also felt compelled to do it. I will return to it, on a regular basis, soon, but for the moment…well, read on.

As for the onset of summer…

part of the change I forgot about was that these months increase jobs for the family.  A vegetable garden

and outside house maintenance just to name a few.

Add to that a few overnight trips

In Wichita on the bridge overlooking the river downtown.

and some other odds and ends

like painting our entire kitchen including the cabinets

Before

Just starting to paint.  You can see the new white on the right (looks like it’s still wet) and the old beige on the left.

After.  Ahhh.  Much better.

and birthdays

and there you have it.  Slowly I surrendered to no more school and eased into plain ‘ole summer life.

That’s it for the pictures on this post.  We are now getting down to some serious business, ladies.  Hang with me here.  I hope this will bless someone.

This summer there has been one thing in particular…

that I have experienced lately and I want to tell you about it.   I believe it is shifting my husband and me to the next level of life together.  Of marriage.

PART 1

I’m Created To Do What?

Probably about 4-5 years ago, I read the most profound book for women that I have ever read about ‘being married.’  Some of you are going to gag at the title and others of you will understand.  Some of you will throw it across the room while reading it, but you will be compelled to pick it up again.  I was a little put off when I first saw it too, but also felt an urgency to buy it and read it as soon as possible.  It is called “Created To Be His Helpmeet.” As a friend of mine said recently when I mentioned it to her, “Where the heck is MY helpmeet.”

“Well,”  I responded tentatively, “You actually don’t get one.”

Then, later, another friend said “Our helpmeet is the Holy Spirit.”  OK, yes.  I like that.  And maybe it is our girlfriends and children.  Maybe that is why God made women to have the need to talk to and process through every detail of life with our girlfriends.

And Now:  The 5 Words

Anyway, a bit before I read that book, some girlfriends and I came up with the idea of very specifically asking our husbands ‘How Can I Help You.’ We sort of challenged each other to do it with the idea that we were going to have to do specific things to make our marriages better and not wait or expect our husbands to do things we wanted, just because they should!  Sure they should, but it will have to be up to them to decide when that will be. Right?  Do we want to nag it out of them or happily receive it because they wanted to give it from their hearts?

I had 3 children aged 5, 2 and newborn at that time…

and the last thing I could conceive of was asking my husband how I could help him while he was skipping (in my mind) off to work as I stayed home, sleep deprived, nursing, changing 2 babies diapers, feeding people, doing laundry, and otherwise completely dulling the mind I had worked so hard all my life to better.  You know the drill, ladies.

So finally, one day…

as my husband was about to go to work, scared that he would present a laundry list of things he needed help with, I asked him if there was anything I could do to help him today.  He quickly said, “No thanks, see you tonight.”  Whew!!!  Got out of that one!!!  Ok,  I said it.  I did the right and good thing here and I didn’t die in the process.  Yeah me!

I proceeded to do this off and on over the next few years.  Not very well, I might add.  It was infrequent and I was still scared of what the answer would be those few times that I did it.  Ultimately, my greatest fear of being loaded with extra chores and short-circuiting out, while being already overwhelmed with my own self-assigned jobs, was never realized.

Looking back, I think God was having me practice those 5 little words without dumping on me what I would not have been able to handle at that time.

PART 2

My husband has a very busy law practice.

It is a stressful job.  There is a statistic that says lawyers are more prone to depression and suicide than any other profession.  I believe it.  My husband is not depressed or suicidal at all.  But seeing the kinds of things he deals with every day, all day, I can understand how a person could fall into those horrible states of being.  Many times lawyers are dealing with the very emotionally charged details of a person’s very personal life.

The Initial Attraction

My husband is a very smart guy.  That was one of the main things that attracted me to him in the first place.   His job requires that brain power all day, every day.  I don’t know how he does it, but he does it and he does it well.  He loves wrapping his brain around complicated issues and he loves serving the people.  After getting his law degree he then got a Master’s in Public Administration.  So it is just “in him” to help “the people.”  Maintaining the relationship with his clients is his utmost priority.  Well, because of that, the financial side of things was starting to take a back seat.  Just keeping up with it is a job in itself.

The Stress Started To Increase

I guess it’s been the last 8-9 months; the stress level had been climbing a bit higher.  He was coming home completely maxed out from his day – meeting with clients, massive document production needing great attention to detail, trials, hearings, traveling to lots of other towns and cities, emotions flying high, etc, etc.  And on top of the legal side of things, keeping up with accounts receivable.  Things were starting to not be fun and we were both thinking somethins’ gotta change.  There has to be a break here.  A new idea.

The Shift Began

So….once again as we sat in the den and talked about our day, after the children were in bed (like we do many times.)  I said, (with a little more boldness now since I had  some practice) “How Can I Help You?”  And this time something different happened.   There was a shift that we both felt.  A new idea began to emerge that seemed kind of crazy at first, but started to look like a real possibility to both of us.  We got excited about it and neither of us seemed to feel it was a burden.

God’s Plan For Families

Over the last year or two, I have started to believe that God intended our families (He put us all on earth to be HIS family) to, in the ultimate perfect world, be parented by both mother and father.  Equal time from both. 50-50.  And, also, for the trade that brings in the resources for this family to survive, e.g. pay for a house, buy food, etc, to be worked at by both parents working as a team.  Working together.  I’m not talking about 2 separate jobs.  I’m talking about “together” on 1 job. Partnership.

Hey, this is the way it was done ONLY 150 years ago and on back by most people!  Our modern culture has made us believe that dad has to leave the home to make money and mom has to stay at home somewhat acting like a single mom handling the majority of sowing seeds of wisdom and work ethic into the children.  And as any single mom will tell you, that is an almost impossible job.  I know this might sound a little radical, but hey, I’m kind of a radical girl, so what can I say : )

I believe we were put together with our husbands because we have strengths where they have weaknesses and vice versa.  If we can possibly bring these gifts together to ultimately exhibit what God intended, WOW!  Would that not be our greatest joy?  And then to teach that to our children?

I know some of you are thinking…

there is no way my husband and I could work together.  Or there is no way my husband and I could work out a job or career where we could work together.  That is probably getting the cart before the horse.  If this idea tugs at you in your gut, but you can’t imagine how it would ever happen, I can tell you there will probably need to be a whole lot of prayer and evolution of the relationship before it becomes a reality.  We’ve been married 14 years and I’m just now starting to see the possibility of this in our lives.  And everyone is different.  It could be months for one couple and a lifetime for another couple.

A New Way To Live

And so ladies, as we start to approach this possible new way of living (anyone still with me?) … Here is the hard part.  We have to let him lead the way.  Argh.  As much as we think he doesn’t deserve to or that we could do a much better job at it:  That will never work.  And no he doesn’t necessarily deserve this from us because he is, like we are, very imperfect.  As a matter of fact, no one deserves the blessings God gives us.  It is God’s gift to us.  It is His love for us.  And we are to love and serve others in that same way, in spite of what they deserve or don’t deserve.

Regarding these husbands, our greatest trial here on earth, ladies…

is to surrender to the order that God designed which is that the husband is in charge.  And yes, take heart, God says we are to be partners too.  This is not license for him to be abusive, rude or harsh.  No, the Bible specifically says to him, “Do not be harsh toward your wife.  Love her.”   If he has a little smarts, he will realize that being nice to you and loving you is how he can get the best from you.  And if he has no smarts, pray that he gets some!  Don’t fight this, ladies.  You will just end up being miserable.  I promise that when you accept this order of things and your marriage pieces fall into the right places, you will find your greatest joy.

One day we will stand before God to attest…

to how good a job we did on earth.  We won’t be up there saying “Well he did such-and-such AND SO I could only do such-and-such because  he was such a jerk!”  No.  We will only account for OUR behavior and we desperately want to hear God say to us “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Back to our conversation that night in the den.

So we came up with the idea that I would come to his office a few afternoons a week and work the financial side of the business.

Oh my.  I’ve never done that before.  My background is in TV production and more on the creative side.  Could I do this?  What do I say to people?  Can I organize things at home to make this happen?  But I am motivated, because my husband needs some relief, he will be much more pleasant to live with, he will be parenting the children more while I do a few hours of this work, I will get a break, the business will operate how it should be operating, etc etc.  These are all good things.

Part 3

But allow me to tell you about the first night of our new plan.

We got a babysitter on a Monday night.  We ate dinner with the children and then headed to the office at 6:30 pm.  For several years I had already been balancing our books at the office once a week for about 2 hours.  The first thing that happened when we sat down in his office was that we got into an argument.  It was a very worthy argument about whether he was going to put the monthly bank statement envelope into an in-box for me to then reconcile OR whether he was actually going to open the envelope and put it in a 3 ring binder for me to later reconcile.  UGH!  Is that not a ridiculous thing to argue about?  Anyway, he was changing my system, and hey, I want it done my way.

Well, that lead him into a 10 minute monologue…

about why he was apprehensive about me coming down there and helping him with the financial side of HIS business.  He was apprehensive that I would try to take over and give him all my “good ideas.”  (If you have read any of my other posts, you know I definitely have my ideas!)  He continued about how he has been doing this business for 14 years and has in his mind exactly what needs to be done.  I’m not here to save the day.  I am here to help him.  And, yes, he even used the word ‘helpmeet.’  Oh, why the heck did I ever mention that word to him!

So while he is going off on his apprehensiveness…

about me helping him, to my credit, I CHOSE to do the thing I did NOT want to do.  I didn’t say a word. Yes, I was seething inside.  I was mad and really just wanted to give him a piece of my mind and walk out saying “do this thing yourself if you’re going to be such a jerk!”  But I didn’t.  I sat there and didn’t say a word.  I’m sure my arms were folded and the look on my face was not a happy look.  Intellectually, I knew zipping the lips could be the right thing to do.  I had heard that it was.  Yes, I had even experienced it a few times, but darn, darn, darn, I did NOT want to.  But I did.  It was almost like I was doing an experiment to see if all the older, wiser women were right and this was really true.  Surely not.

He began to come to a close on his tirade.

Funny how when there is no one sitting there arguing back, the argument kind of dies down.  I still sat silent.  And so…he didn’t seem to have more to say on the apprehensiveness thing, and I didn’t either apparently.  He does need me.  He needs something right now, and who better to tend to our personal business than his wife, so he transitioned this rant-monologue into talking about the business at hand.

Change The World?  Yes!

He started to tell me the things he thought I could do, the people I could talk to, how if we did this and that and that and this, we could really do well, make a difference, make some money and ultimately be able to give it away to things that mattered to us and do great things in the world.  It had turned into a pep talk and all of a sudden he started looking, well, dare I say it, really sexy.  LOL! (That is “Laugh Out Loud” for those of you not into social media or texting)  What the heck???  But truly, I was seeing that smart, leader kind of guy that I fell in love with and he was talking about how great it could be if we did this thing together.  Isn’t that what I wanted to begin with?  14 years ago?  Four children later, sometimes it is so easy to forget why we got married in the first place.

We were now back on track

Would we have gotten back on track had I been offering all my good ideas at that moment.  No.  Can there be 2 chefs in the kitchen.  No.  Can there be 2 presidents of the company? No.  Can there be 2 husbands.  No.  It doesn’t work.  Ever.   And yes, you can offer your ideas, but ladies, it is all about mastering the art of timing!  (We will talk about that later.)

By the way, if you think I’m some kind of sado-masochistic weirdo that gets off on being yelled at, I can assure you more than anything – I AM NOT!  Just ask anyone who knows me.

I sure like the word “surrender” much better than “submit!”

If we ladies will just surrender to these things, I believe, miraculously, we will eventually find our greatest joy.  That is the paradox in this entire thing.  We think we must just follow our instinct, our gut feelings,  to control a situation.  But our instinct, in this case, is our flesh speaking.  We must crucify that hard-wired self  to find the joy.  How hard a task that is.  But the truth is, nothing worth having comes easy.  Marriage.  Productive, well-behaved children.  Love.  Joy.  Peace.  We have to move beyond our fleshly desires to ever achieve these things.

So, back to that Monday evening.

We spent an hour or so going over cases and me taking notes.  It was fun.  We were actually becoming quite a team I thought.  Finally we had a little glass of liqueur to end the evening and sat on the couch talking about lots of fun things  – the children, the world, our dreams, etc.   I think we will both remember that night as one of our favorites.

After a month of this we are talking alot about our new joint venture.  Honing our teamwork.  He is coming up with new ideas to do it better.  I want to let him do that.  I want to offer ideas when he wants to hear them.  (I have to remember that no one really wants unsolicited advice, especially husbands.)  I will attest that there have been some more hard moments, but that is forcing us to treat each other better, to apologize quicker when necessary so we can get back on track, because we are both highly motivated to make our business productive and to make a difference in the world.

Last night was date night.

He’d had another very long, intense day.  He picked me up at home and we drove to our favorite little hole-in-the-wall mexican restaurant.  On the way, I just let him talk.  I’m finding it is best to let him vent first when we get together at the end of the day, before I say anything about my day.  He was really just calming down from the day.

He stopped at a stop sign, a few feet before…

you would normally stop and took a deep breath.  I said, “what can I do to help you?”  He said, “you know, just a wife saying that to a husband means everything.  It says to me, ‘I have someone to help me even if I don’t really need anything specific.  It means I don’t have to come home and then deal with whatever it is you need from me after I have given all day to everyone else.  If every wife would do that, their husbands would be much better husbands.  A husband instinctively wants to indulge his wife, and saying that ultimately gives me the brain space to want to do that.”

So.  All of that to say, ask your husband how you can help him.  Even if it scares you.  I do believe you will ultimately be blessed by it, if you persevere.

*The Husband Paraphrase*

(Matt 25:35-40)

I was hungry for breakfast, dinner, and sometimes even lunch, snacks, a kind word, a warm hug, to talk to you, to be loved by you… You gave me something to eat.
I was thirsty to feel accepted by you, to take the leadership role in our home, to be admired by you, to be respected by you. I mowed the lawn and needed refreshing and… You gave me something to drink.
I was a stranger; my mood was bad. I had been unreasonable. I had been mean, thoughtless, forgetful, unhelpful, self-centered… You invited me in.
I was naked; you did all my wash even when I dropped it on the floor. You sewed on my missing buttons. You ironed my wrinkled shirts. You let me bare my soul to you. You saw the real me that others never see- with all my quirks and uncovered ugliness, and you never exposed me before our children, family, or friends… You clothed me.
I was sick- you know my colds are worse than anyone else’s. Sometimes I said things to you I didn’t mean. I got depressed and… You cared for me.
I was in prison: my job got to me some days and I withdrew from you. When I was lonely you were there for me. You prayed for me.
When I was consumed with a problem, when I was unforgiving, when I didn’t deserve anything because of the way I’ve treated you and I was so ashamed… You came to me.

… Jesus would say to you, “When you did these things for (your husband) you did them for me.”

God Bless You!

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You might like one of these posts too.

• Daddy Is Coming Home!
• 7 Steps To A Happy Marriage
• How Do You Afford It On 1 Income?
• A Prayer For Our Husbands
• Dave Ramsey’s 6 Steps

These are my good friends and this is the latest program that we have produced.  It is in 3 – 10 minute segments.  Parts 2 and 3 are next.   I think it will really bless you, whether you are having problems in your marriage or not.  Visit them at dunfordfamilyministries.com.

God Bless You Ladies!

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You might like one of these posts too.

• From New Age to Jesus
• 7 Steps To A Happy Marriage
• Daddy Is Coming Home!
• 5 Profound Words To A Husband
• How Do You Afford It On 1 Income?